Tail Lights

A cool chill tingled on his toes at the thought of her, at what she'd done. The murky depth of her treachery seemed a comforting unknown compared to the blatant admission of what had happened. And what was happening.

"It's over."

The audacity to say such a thing, at their anniversary dinner no less. To just blurt it out in the middle of careless conversation.

"It's over."

Despite the chill in his body the words burned like hot embers in his heart. He glanced over at her in the passenger seat. Laying there she looked like a slumbering angel, peaceful and unbroken. Love glistened in his eyes but it slowly drained from his soul as each tear drew from the well what feelings were left. The conversion took form in the clenched fist, holding in it all the anger and rage and hatred that had so suddenly been found.

He grit his teeth as the tingling chill continued to climb up his body, now reaching his knees.

The things people could do, he thought. How they could hide the truth for so long, and just abruptly let it all out and call it quits. Unreal. Unbelievable. And unexpected. That part had shook him the most. It wasn't the plain facts of the matter but how it had been present. That's not to say the facts didn't shock him. His heart broke, his brain burst, and his spirit evacuated his earthly being. When it all came back down the mess of a body and mind he had left felt like a husk of what it once was.

She killed him that night. He'd even screamed it.

"You're killing me!"

The agony in his voice hadn't moved her. She shed tears but they were selfish, self-important offerings.

"I can't do this anymore. I have nothing left for you."

I have everything for you, though, he thought reflectively. I have everything, I gave you everything. And you couldn't say a word, just ignored the problems. Refused to communicate. Even went as far as to lie about what you really thought. Then drop this bomb out of nowhere, an atomic meltdown on my unsuspecting head. Fuck.

Physically he felt numb sitting in the driver's seat but his emotions and memories raged. Recalled the slow background drives, the love-making, and the road trips. All right here, her beside him all along as she is now. Only before there was love. Now it's gone. He shook his head and half-smiled.

"I can't live without you," he said through a sob. "I won't."

"Oh stop, you'll be fine, I know you will."

"No, no I can't live…"

"Enough of that suicidal talk."

He muttered something under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," he replied, quietly slipping out of the room.

Sinking now his composure began to collapse. He laughed, almost wildly. A crazed look and crooked smile twisted his face. He glanced at her again, half expecting her to be awake and staring at him. Surely a fearful countenance would come over her. But she lay there unmoved by his breakdown.

Bold of her to suggest he had broken her trust. Did he lie to her? Did he cheat? He brought the evidence after the reality had surfaced.

"Do I need to get a lawyer?"

"No, not now anyway."

"Did you?"

"No."

Boom. Here. Phone record. Multiple calls to law offices. And here. Your hand written notes carelessly left out. Liar.

"Well are you cheating on me?"

"No, never."

"We both know that's historically inaccurate. Why would you act different now?"

"I haven't."

"Where are you, not home, not at work, not where you're supposed to be. Not answering your phone or responding to text."

Here, more phone records. Calls and texts to his number.

"We're just friends."

Not at this volume you're not. Not with how you're saying our relationship is. How it's dying. How you've been the one killing it.

His heart turned cold as the frigid numbness swelled past his chest. He couldn't even look at her now. After all After all blood was on her hands. She had killed this thing that had once been love. The took it out to pasture and shot it dead. He could do nothing but watch it happen. There was no saving it. She stood with the gum in her hand and it's head tied close to the ground before he realized why they were out in the middle of nowhere all alone.

He took what he figured to be his final look at her.

"Don't worry baby. Soon you'll be in a better place and I'll be gone. Never to bother you again."

He clutched the steering wheel. Crimson fingers began to wash out and become cold. Red swirls surrounded him as he began to tremble.

"'Suicidal talk'," he said with a chuckle.

Right she was about that. But he recalled what he had muttered.

"Homicidal." He laughed.

A murder suicide. Same thing. She was headed to heavenly freedom and he was headed for the fires of hell.

He shivered, "At least it'll be warm."

He closed his eyes and prepared for the end.

Taillights dipped below the lake surface and slowly dimmed as the sunk out of sight.

10.14.21